TAG

RSS订阅

收藏本站

设为首页

当前位置: > 情感 > 恋爱部落 >

《人在囧途》

发布时间:2018-02-14 10:09 类别:恋爱部落

  人生一辈子,会遇到各种各样的囧事。前一段热播《人在囧途》,接着有《车在囧途》、《人再囧途之泰囧》,最后是《港囧》,简直是囧到家了。   人生就好比是一个大舞台,我们每个人,都是一名演员[YanYuan],无非是扮演的角色不同。有名角,有配角,有正面,也有反面,也有可能只是跑跑龙套的,或临时充当一下群众演员[YanYuan]。群众演员[YanYuan]也是演,谁说豆包不是干粮?在现实生活中,我们总是同时饰演着幸福与痛苦,欢乐和悲伤,有希望也有失望,也总是不可避免地伴随着幽默搞笑,有时还相当尴尬,囧。   作为一个资深胖纸,我在无数次的减肥、反弹中承受着目光的压力。但我从不因为自己是一个持久的胖纸而一蹶不振,胖或瘦都只是一种形式,开心就好。我这个胖纸,经常安慰自己:如果你喜欢人民币的话,你会在乎它的面值大吗?   有一次我坐一个美女妹纸的私家车,一行的还有她的3闺蜜,都是花见花开、车载爆胎的大美女。上车时,开车的美女[MeiNv]妹纸对我说:“你陪我坐前面吧。”我心里美美的,觉得她这算不算重色轻友呢?就在我美滋滋的坐在副驾上时,她又对后排的闺蜜们说:“这样你们后面就不挤了吧?”我石化了。   今年职场上让我负责一项重要的工作,奈何底下的人执行的很差。我查看了底下一妹纸填写的资料,情感这简直牛唇不对马嘴嘛,于是我很气愤的说:“工欲善其事,必先利其器。你需要不断强化,充实自我!”妹纸看了看我的体型,半天说了一句:“充实自我?你是说体重?”   我嗜酒如命,一周总有七八天喝得烂醉如泥。一次,我又喝得东倒西歪,连走道回家的劲儿都没有了,在街上叫住了一辆出租车,并对司机说:“把我拉到XXX去。”司机说:“这里不就是就是XXX吗?”“真的吗?”“没错,我不会骗你的。”于是,我从兜里掏出一张10元的钞票扔给司机说:“好的,这是车钱,不过,下次可不要开得这么快。”   有一次朋友聚会,我这个酒量一般,但喝酒豪爽的人,自然又喝高了。喝完酒回到家洗澡,香皂掉在地上了,用手一抓跑了,再去抓又跑了,反反复复在洗澡间抓了两多小时。更要命的是,不知什么时候热水变冷水了,早上我发现感冒了,喷嚏不断,满眼的星星······   感冒[GanMao]了可不敢拖,因为职场上要筹备一个大会,由我负责。我就到社区医院里找院长,他是我朋友,这年头有熟人办事方便。院长办公室里,一女子抱着婴儿找院长看病,我随眼看了看婴儿,又看了看女人的胸部,说道:“奶水不足,婴儿营养不良!”女子红脸道:“服饰搭配我是孩子他小姨,大学还没毕业呢。”   看完病接着上班,轻伤不下火线。上班提不起精神做事,我就到办公室逛逛。办公室[BanGongShi]小妹挺漂亮的,我就在她跟前干咳了两声,她很温柔地说:“感冒[GanMao]了?”我点点头的答道:“恩,有点。”她杏眼一剜道:“那你还不赶快离我远点、远点、远点!”当场我那些同事们就笑喷了!   我曾有一段时期在机关办公室负责文秘工作,于是常常有人拿来文章向我请教。今日乡下一妹纸就拿来一会议发言材料让我指点指点。我粗略看了看,对她说:“你的上面两点很突出,中间平平,下面很空洞。现在人多,我顾不过来,等后面没人时来我办公室[BanGongShi],我帮你加一条进去。”那妹纸满脸通红的就出去了,我很纳闷:现在的女孩子满脑子尽想些啥?  Life for a lifetime,Will encounter all sorts of embarrassing.Before a hit[People in town road],Then there are[The car in stopping way]/[Sorry for another way of stopping],Finally,[Port of stopping],It is sorry got home.   Life is like a big stage,Each of us,Is an actor,The role of is nothing but different.Have any stretch,A supporting role,Have a positive,There are opposite,Is Tracy's likely also,Or as extras.The masses actor is also a play,Who says wet skin of tofu is not solid food?In real life,We are always at the same time as the happiness and pain,Joy and sorrow,Hope and disappointment,Is always inevitably accompanied with humorous,Sometimes quite embarrassing,orz.   As a senior fat paper,I am in numerous times to lose weight/Rebound in the under eye pressure.But I never because he is a persistent and sustain fat paper,Fat or thin is just a form,Happy is good.I am the fat paper,Often comfort yourself:If you like the yuan,Will you care about it the face value of the big?   Once I sat a beautiful girl of the private cars,A line of and her 3 girlfriends,See flowers bloom/Big beauty car flat tire.Get on the bus when,Driving the beauty girl said to me:“Accompany me to sit in front of you.”My sweet pink-fleshed radish beauty,Think she about this calculating do not calculate hoes before bros?As I flattered when sitting on the passenger side,She was on the back of the girlfriends said:“This is not crowded behind you?”I'm petrochemical.   This year in the workplace I was responsible for an important job,Under the helpless people perform poorly.I looked at under a girl fill in data,It's ox is not the horse mouth,Then said I was very angry:“To do a good job,Must first sharpen his.You need to constantly strengthen,Enrich myself!”The girl looked at my body,Said,half a day:“Enrich myself?You mean the weight?”   I hard-drinking,There is always a week QiBaTian drunken such as mud.At a time,I was drunk stagger,Even the aisle of the matter all have no home,Stopped a taxi in the street,And said to the driver:“Pull me to go to XXX.”The driver said:“Here is not is XXX?”“Really??”“That's right,I won't cheat you.”so,I from her pocket a $10 bill thrown to the driver said:“good,This is fare,However,,Don't drive so fast next time.”   Have a friend party,I this drink,But drinking a gracious people,Natural and drink up.After drinking wine home a bath,The soap fell to the ground,A catch with the hand and ran away,To grasp and run again,Repeated caught more than two hours in the bathroom.More importantly,I don't know when it is hot water is getting cold water,I found that caught a cold in the morning,Sneezing constantly,See the stars······   Caught a cold can't drag,Because workplace to prepare for a meeting,I'm in charge of the.I have to find a dean in community hospitals,He is my friend,This year there are acquaintances handle affairs is convenient.Dean's office,A woman holding a baby to find dean to see a doctor,Is fine with me to see the baby,Then at the woman's chest,said:“Milk supply,Baby malnutrition!”The woman says red face:“I was a child his younger sister,Even before he graduated from university.”   Watching the disease and then go to work,A minor injury not bottom wire.Lift not spirit to do things at work,I came to the office.Office baby sister is quite beautiful,I am in front of her dry cough two sound,She said softly:“Caught a cold?”I nodded replied:“grace,A little bit.”Almond eyes a gouge out,"she said:“Why don't you stay away from me/Far point/Far point!”My colleagues laugh spray on the spot!   I had a period in the agency office is responsible for the secretarial work,So often someone to ask me.Today a girl take a conference materials in the country let me some directions.I looked at it rough,And said to her:“You stand out of the above two points,The middle plain,The following are hollow.Now people more,I regard not to come over,Behind such as nobody come to my office,I help you add a inside.”The girl flushed and went out,I wonder why:Now all girls do your want to what?